How I See My Scars
Originally posted on November 8, 2014.
Today I am present to the impacts of when someone calls us ugly or hideous or gross or a monster because of how we look.
I can remember what it’s like when someone would say this to me or when they would stare at me. Times like this are definitely tough and I have had times like this when I just wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. Not a good feeling at all.
I understand that some people might be activated by my scars. That is not my problem. They may see my scars as ugly(or what negative word they choose) and those are their thoughts, not my thoughts and I don’t have to own them. When people get triggered by what they interpret as ugly, this has nothing to do with me at all. It has everything to do with them. They may be so caught up in looks that they can’t be with someone that has scars or is disfigured. This is something that they are struggling with.
If someone can’t be with how I look or my scars, this is OK with me. I don’t have the right to make them wrong for their thoughts or feelings. I can though, be curious with them and wonder what it is about my scars that they can’t be with. I can give them space and and not push myself on them.
Now I was not always like this and I would get activated and angry(a lot) when someone would stare at me and my scars. I was activated because I thought of my scars as ugly. I thought that I was broken, destroyed and worthless. I was very ashamed of my scars and hated it when people would stare at me. I was ashamed of my scars, when someone would look at me or stare, I would be extremely embarrassed and ashamed. I was ashamed of the scars and this was because what I was saying about my own scars. It had nothing to do with anyone but me. I seen my scars as a defect. I was telling myself that I was ugly, destroyed, worthless and unlovable.
Over time I have learned to accept my scars and am now able to be with my scars. I actually love my scars. It has taken a long time to get here and it’s been a struggle but man I love the way I look. I look different and that’s OK with me. Now when someone stares, I smile and introduce myself and share why I look different. I get the greatest joy when someone is able to look me in the eyes. People tell me all the time that after meeting me and being with me my scars disappear.
I understand that they are only staring because I look different and they are curiosity and I’m OK with that. If they don’t like the way I look, that’s OK too because that has nothing to do with me. I encourage you if you are struggling with how your scars look, then look at what you are saying about your scars. What negative talk are you saying about the scars or about yourself. I invite you to give that negative talk or view point. Don’t be ashamed of your scars, they are just scars, just skin cells. I encourage you to embrace your scars and learn to love them. When you are able to to just be with your scars then your life will be enriched. You will find yourself happier and you may even discover that people are more accepting of you and may even want to spend more time getting to know you.
If you are interested in learning how to accept your scars email me at johnwesthaver @gmail.com.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. Please share it with everyone.